god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
