Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize