I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
