I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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