You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
