I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize