no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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