I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
