Do you still have your period?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
