nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is my gift to your gina
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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