She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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