Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
