dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
