Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
