i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
