Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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