I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
