can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
