whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
