I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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