My nipple is on Facebook.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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