I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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