You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
