Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
