i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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