Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
