Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
