Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
