Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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