I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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