i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Green mimosas i think yes
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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