We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
