i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
