Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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