my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
