Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
