I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
