Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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