it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
