i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
