is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
please come you make the beer taste better
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
