HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
