just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
