Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
