I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
