ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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