You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
