She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
