dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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