ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
