I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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