Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
