i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
