I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize