I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
