what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
