Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
