new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize