worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
