He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They have beer where we have blood.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
