dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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