Define "chronic" masturbator.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
