I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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