he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
